Having a random hookup so left but love u
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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