I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dicks are not precious.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
