sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
