I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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