I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
