I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
