she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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