so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Four minutes until I can fart!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
