The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize