i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
