Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
