I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
