That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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