While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
