y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
