real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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