The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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