So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
