they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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