She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
