She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
