im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
