White coat. Heels.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
