You can't special order awesome
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
