Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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