You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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