I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
