his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
