omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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