it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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