Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
