my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How drunk are you?
Completed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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