I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
