He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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