Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
