the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
