I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
