At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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