Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
