hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
