apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
