A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
