Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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