I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
