I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
