Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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