1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
