i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
so much tequila, so little girl.
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