"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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