How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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