fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
