remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
