How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
