so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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