Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
