well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
