So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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