My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im holly from the hills drunk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
