you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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