i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That was an excessively violent trivia night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
