Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
